I think this is great advice for all. Interesting that what you are suggesting as helpful and not helpful totally for with what I experienced in the heterosexual world when my marriage ended. We are able to be friends but I get it wouldn’t work for all. We have a geographical distance factor that helps frankly but I love the questions you suggest asking yourself. Why do you want to remain friends? I find that my idiosyncrasies - and his - are something we can own about ourselves and laugh about now that the pressure of getting through everyday together isn’t there. Sad perhaps, but true. I wouldn’t want to fully give up someone who I spent a significant portion of my life with unless I found I couldn’t move on successfully without doing that. So, your advice to take a total break for awhile and get your independent footing is solid in my experience. I’m not saying we did that - I’m saying I realized that would have been wise because I found the need to pull away to get a better understanding of what I wanted to maintain and why after awhile. We’ve both managed through - not everyone will want something that is agreeable to both in the relationship, but then it’s easier to let go if you realize this. Good advice Hannah and even for a very broad audience I think!
I think this is great advice for all. Interesting that what you are suggesting as helpful and not helpful totally for with what I experienced in the heterosexual world when my marriage ended. We are able to be friends but I get it wouldn’t work for all. We have a geographical distance factor that helps frankly but I love the questions you suggest asking yourself. Why do you want to remain friends? I find that my idiosyncrasies - and his - are something we can own about ourselves and laugh about now that the pressure of getting through everyday together isn’t there. Sad perhaps, but true. I wouldn’t want to fully give up someone who I spent a significant portion of my life with unless I found I couldn’t move on successfully without doing that. So, your advice to take a total break for awhile and get your independent footing is solid in my experience. I’m not saying we did that - I’m saying I realized that would have been wise because I found the need to pull away to get a better understanding of what I wanted to maintain and why after awhile. We’ve both managed through - not everyone will want something that is agreeable to both in the relationship, but then it’s easier to let go if you realize this. Good advice Hannah and even for a very broad audience I think!