CINEMADONNA

We took a dare to watch as many of Madonna's 1990s films as we could

For our generation, talking about Madonna is like early humans discussing the Sun. It’s going to involve a lot of jumping and pointing at something we don’t quite understand but regard as lifegiving, albeit in a terrifying way.

That’s why we thought doing a 1990s Madonna movie installment of this column would result in a passionate conversation between myself and Emily. It eventually did, but only after spending three months struggling to land on a film good enough to talk about.  We were reminded that cinema was the one media Madonna could never quite conquer as a lead actress. It seemed a matter of bad timing and miscasting herself, combined with a backlash from the pearl clutchers of the Clinton era who were pushed over the edge by her brand masterpiece, Sex.

Still, the bad films didn’t help.

We first tried the erotic thriller misfire of Body of Evidence. Then we watched the tormented near-art of Dangerous Game, about a director played by Harvey Keitel imposing his mental breakdown on his cast.  It was directed, in real life, by Abel Ferrara, who warmly described their film as “a fucking disaster.”  As it turns out, Madonna’s greatest performance was a version of herself in the 1991 tour documentary, Truth or Dare. Many celebrities, from Bob Dylan to Taylor Swift, have attempted to frame their own narrative through films and documentaries, but it’s never been as quotable, filthy, and fun as when Madonna did it.

UPDATE: Hours after posting this column we heard the news that Madonna's brother and former collaborator, Christopher Ciccone, died at age 63 of cancer. A stoic presence in the film Truth or Dare, he seemed like the calm in the center of the Madonna storm and we are heartened that he was able to reconcile with her after several years of estrangement. 

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BRIAN J DAVIS: Should we give a warning to all the new subscribers from your popular essay? That usually on Medium Cool we’re doing things like talking about Madonna for two hours?

EMILY SCHULTZ: I think people like both Madonna and abortion rights!

BJD: Madonna was probably your last pop star. Right before you got all very serious.

ES: I was already very serious by the time this movie came out. I was moving into my depressing music era.

BJD: I don’t think there would have been Riot Grrrl in the 1990s without Madonna in the 1980s.

ES: Hmm. Keep going.

BJD: The part of Riot Grrrl and Madonna that’s shared is that they're both about the revolutionary power of the brat—and way before anyone else tried. They both present teenage-centric feminisms.

ES: I mean at age 13 my friend Kristy was the one of us that was big into Madonna and because of Madonna, and especially True Blue, we had conversations about abortion where she had views that surprised me that then opened my mind. We had conversations about sexuality, the fact that Madonna thought it was okay to be queer. True Blue was actually the first album I ever bought.

BJD: I didn’t realize Madonna’s genius until the 1990s. I disliked 1980s Madonna, and it’s not because I was a tiny punk snob. I loved pop music too—I did do Belinda Carlisle drag for lip syncing at school.

ES: I’m sure you knew every word.

BJD: That the Go-Gos wrote themselves! Okay, I guess I was a tiny snob. But it was around Like a Prayer that Madonna started changing how she worked.  She was sort of pulling a Bowie by doing his style of Victorian collecting of different subcultures. Here's some alternative hip-hop. Here’s some ballroom culture. And it’s all going through the Madonna-mill. That made her incredibly successful, and artistically successful as well. There is nothing better than “Like a Prayer.” But it also opened her up to the criticism that stuck with her: the queen of appropriation.

ES:  That drove many, many cultural studies classroom discussions at the time.

BJD: Let’s restate our mission to find a good Madonna film. What I’ve realized after we gave up is that quite simply the universe said to Madonna Louise Ciccone of Pontiac, Michigan: You're going to be successful at most everything in life…except film and dating white guys. Just stay away from those two things and you’ll be fine. More than fine actually.

ES: I suppose we have to get Dangerous Game out of the way first.

BJD: Even though I loved most of Abel Ferrara’s berserk 1990s films, I had never seen Dangerous Game until last week. And I like the filmmaking of Dangerous Game—but I hate the ideas in the movie. It is truly an ugly film for its ideas.

ES: I hated every minute of it.

BJD: But at the same time, we both said… best Madonna performance ever?

ES: They put her through things that they should not have.

BJD: I think it’s fair to quote Madonna in full on Dangerous Game and leave it at that.

“You have control over your performance when the camera is going, but you can take that performance in the editing room and completely change the character. That's what happened to me with Abel. Because it was an entirely different movie when I made it —it was such a great feminist statement and she was so victorious at the end…He took my words off me and turned me into a deaf mute, basically. When I saw the cut film, I was weeping. It was like someone punched me in the stomach. He turned it into Bad Director. He's so far up Harvey Keitel's ass, it had become a different movie. If I’d known that was the movie I was making, I would never have done it, and I was very honest with him about that. He really fucked me over.” —Madonna

BJD: So from the peak of Truth or Dare—which was the highest grossing documentary of the decade—to the Sex book and Dangerous Game, which was barely released, and then Body of Evidence, and League of Their Own—it was only 24 months!

ES: That’s insane. I saw League in the theater. I didn’t see Body of Evidence at the time.

BJD: You know I have such a soft spot for 1990s erotic thrillers. Even the bad ones. Even Jade I can say nice things about. But Body of Evidence was like an erotic thriller written by an A.I. It’s not fun, and it was filmed in Portland.

ES: From the long tradition of Your honor, she killed him and the weapon was…her body! I think that’s just Madonna catching things at the end of the cycle, right?

BJD: Exactly. That’s the problem of being at the rarified level of pop culture. You're going to be over the other side of the mountain quicker than most people. Madonna makes an erotic thriller, but it’s at the end of the cycle, after all the good scripts are gone. She makes a violent indie movie, but it’s not with Tarantino. It’s with an actually insane director.  

“Melissa has all your numbers.”

ES: But look how much fun she’s having in Truth or Dare.

BJD: I know the feeling of being able to say “This is our last night in fascist Toronto.”

ES: Now I’m trying to remember how explicit this simulated masturbation scene during “Like a Virgin” is.

BJD: Oh, there’s some reaching.

ES: I mean, is it any different from Mötley Crüe?

[Emily is genuinely impressed as the choreography progresses.]

BJD: I’m so thankful for being groomed by Madonna.

ES: I really do like this next part of the film, though. It’s her homecoming to Detroit. I might cry.

BJD: It’s the homeland. And this would be classic reality TV now, right? The constructed moment that is felt authentically, but is also completely contrived.

ES: Right, like her brother being there—Martin, the problem brother.  

BJD: It’s all set up for drama. I think you novelists should do a prayer circle before going onstage at readings. Tonight we’re going to sell three copies. Hallelujah.

ES: She is going on. This prayer circle is turning into a too-long Instagram post.

BJD: You worry about the sex scenes in your books and your family reading it. Madonna’s worried about her family. She’s just like you!

[Her stepmother complains about the intensity of the show.]

BJD: Oh my god, that is a Michigan mom. “It was just exhausting, the show. Just exhausting to watch it. It was like being stuck on the Lodge.”

ES: She didn’t say that last part!

BJD: I think this movie does capture Madonna as a person. She’s fucking hilarious, and filthy, and quite frankly a goofball.

ES: And that’s what I was going to say about Dangerous Game. The scenes where she was the best are where she’s actually being herself. Whereas the other roles she went after… I mean, Evita of all things?

BJD: It’s genuinely difficult for one of the most famous women in the world to disappear into a role. Good god, the high school best friend scene!

ES: This is pre-Facebook and Madonna has to literally deal with this woman, in person.

BJD: And this poor woman, this moment is probably the highlight of her life.

ES: Hey, she made it into the movie, with her kids, and she’s telling the story of her and Madonna’s friendship. This is such a wonderful setup where they’re interviewing them separately about what they remember.

BJD: And now she’s asking Madonna to be the godmother to the new child she’s pregnant with. And Madonna responds with such a perfect, see you next Tuesday-deflection. “That’s a very important decision so I’ll think about it. And my assistant has all your numbers.” This is how you do fame: brutal yet humane at the same time.

ES: She tells her she loves her, though.

BJD: I do believe it’s an authentic scene. I know we keep saying that this is the roots of reality TV. But there’s no reality TV as good as this movie.

ES: Okay, can we... Oh, my God, the mother’s grave montage.

BJD: “I wonder what she looks like now. Just a bunch of dust.” You know there’s such a naiveté about Madonna. She almost gets away with everything. So this is the famous scene where her then-boyfriend Warren Beatty warns her against doing this all on camera. He’s not wrong, per se.

ES: No, he is wrong! Because look what’s preserved. Magical moments that will never be again. Madonna in her youth, being sassy, having fun. And owning the room every single time. Now we have New York Pride in 1991.

BJD: It should be said that this documentary is so iconic that there is a documentary about this documentary, that follows the dancers and the effect the film had on their lives. And make no mistake, this is the real reason for the critical backlash against Madonna. From the right-wing, because she put scenes of New York Pride—of her dancers being out—in a wide release movie. Then you had the media getting a bit fancy with their stank and saying it’s all contrived nonsense. In between there are people who were like, to be honest I am a little freaked out by the Sex book.

ES: My friend Kristy saved up her babysitting money for weeks and bought Sex on her 18th birthday, the day she was legally allowed.

BJD: All right, what’s your favorite photo from the Sex book?

ES: You’re putting me on the spot. What’s yours?

BJD: Maybe the urinal photo? The Udo Kier sequence?

ES: I think there was one of her squeezing a bottle of sunscreen onto a woman and she’s holding it like it’s a penis.

BJD: Pop stars of this level do not take Madonna-sized risks anymore, let alone humping a rotating bed on stage.

ES: Wait, music on, please!

[Emily cranks the volume for “Holiday.”]

BJD: Sandra Bernhard! How magnificent would it be if there was a reality series that was just Sandra Bernard and Madonna? At their ages now, two exes living together, shopping. Having brunch.

ES: Now she’s stalking Antonio Banderas and this feels very reality TV fake. It’s set up.

BJD: She’s fangirling about meeting Almodóvar. This was a great service she did for cinema in the 1990s—she would boost him everywhere.

ES: But she’s never been in a Almodóvar movie. In fact, she’d be perfect.

BJD: Talk to Almodóvar about that. Maybe he had his reasons!

ES: But what’s interesting is this movie shows her being so much of a fan. A fan to other people. A fan of Hollywood.

BJD: Okay, newly blonde Emily. Blonde versus brunette Madonna?

ES: It sets up a dichotomy of the authentic brunette Madonna who’s taking on serious material and compositions versus—

BJD: Oh shit, it’s the fellating-an-Evian bottle scene. I just noticed the waiter behind in the background just staring.

ES: How happy do think Evian was with this scene?  

BJD: Like, high-fiving across the board table happy. But I think we could have done without this ten-minute-long Fosse tribute ending.

ES: It's a lot of theater kid energy. It’s getting pretty sappy here, actually. We might need to do some shit talking.

BJD: Okay, at the end of the day, did Madonna make a movie about how much her employees love and need her?

ES: They didn’t make it themselves, did they?

BJD: “Hey Madonna, we made this thing for you. It’s about how awesome it is to be around you. When we just want to sleep.”

ES: Ouch.

BJD: Oh, we’ve been way too nice to Madonna.

ES: We probably have.