HOW TO MOVE CANADA TO THE UNITED STATES

You did not read that wrong. This is a guide on how to move Canada to the United States. We have lived in both countries for decades and want to pitch some Canadian ideas down here. We think it’s needed. (If you’d like to take an individual journey in the other direction we recommend our friend Jennifer McCartney’s book.)

First off, liberal residents of the United States, Canada is not a socialist utopia by any stretch. Like all colonial states in the Americas, Canada has institutional racism, lingering crimes against Indigenous Peoples, as well as crushing rural poverty. It’s rife with corporate monopolies, and for its size produces an unusual amount of terrifyingly angry podcasters. Currently, the most populous province (we’ll get to that funny word in a minute) is run by Doug Ford, once known as the Hash King of Etobicoke. Canada also sells milk in bags so not much of it makes any sense.

But it all sorta works compared to the United States, especially this week, and we think it’s be…