LIFEFORCE (1985)

“It’s like a horny Ghostbusters”

Cannon Films wanted only one thing for the summer of 1985: an A-list, FX-driven blockbuster to rival studio fare. But the trash geniuses of the VHS-era went about it with the same willful anarchy they had when making grindhouse films like Revenge of the Ninja, or Death Wish 3.

For the sci-fi horror epic Lifeforce, Cannon gave—adjusted for inflation— $68 million to stoner weirdos Tobe Hooper and Dan O’Bannon to make a 70mm adaptation of the novel Space Vampires by British writer Colin Wilson. Sounds solid, right? Hooper was the astonishingly talented director of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and O’Bannon wrote Alien. But Wilson was a loopy, eccentric writer who raided everything from Wilhelm Reich to Lovecraft for his novels. Hooper and O’Bannon also had to rush the writing in tandem with preproduction.

Cannon didn’t exactly get their Alien. What they did get was a gorgeous hallucinogenic mess suffused with a surreal kinkiness — a film now mostly known for ballerina Mathilda May, billed as “Space Girl,” being nude for the entire runtime and Patrick Stewart getting possessed by her in a hysterical scene. In the words of first-time viewer Emily Schultz, “It’s like a horny Ghostbusters.”

The story begins with British and American astronauts investigating a ship found in the tail of Halley’s Comet—that was a big deal in the 1980s.  There they find three beings in suspended animation, including the ethereal May. The aliens are brought back to London where they cause a plague of energy vampires, who then…oh who cares. I still don’t know what the plot is.  It’s really like watching three films at once—a space opera, a Jodorowsky horror about Jungian archetypes, and a tribute to Hammer Films.

Not one of those films work completely, but I’ve always loved that there is nothing else like Lifeforce in the history of big budget filmmaking.  

Watch Lifeforce for free at Tubi

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EMILY SCHULTZ: Are you sure Patrick Stewart’s in this? Are you just making this up?

BRIAN J DAVIS: No. He really is.

ES: Wait, I’m missing the setup.

BJD: It’s just the dad from Croupier talking about what kind of gravity system the spaceship is using.

ES: I wish we were watching Croupier.

BJD: The original script of Alien is notorious for being terrible before Walter Hill rewrote it. I’ve read it. It’s full of lines about gravity systems. But I’m always drawn back to Lifeforce because I do think sci-fi should be weird.

ES: Like the giant Giger-esque ship that they're trying to board?

BJD: Sci-fi was much more interesting when they made everything look like dicks.

ES: We’re going from Space Dick to the interior of the ship, which is Space Vagina. I think they’re all getting turned on by the spaceship.

BJD: The actors must know how hilarious this dialogue is: talking about the phallic spaceship and how enormous it is, and how something at the tip appears to be retracting.

ES: They have to know it.

BJD: Look at what the astronauts are floating through now. I know what I see.

ES: It’s a body part we all have.

BJD: And it’s completely natural. Okay, the goal is to not make fun of Lifeforce. That’s too easy. Let’s engage with it seriously.

ES: Because the director sure as hell didn’t.

BJD: The director was also a notorious pothead.

ES: Also, why does he only focus on the female alien?

BJD: As the movie, ahem, explains, these beings are Jungian archetypes from the astronaut’s mind. She represents his anima—his unconscious feminine.

ES: If I was eighteen, I would be so impressed.

BJD: I think part of the charm is the total collision of B-movie and sheer hippie nonsense.

ES: That scientist looks exactly like Martin Amis.

BJD: If Martin Amis had really acted in this film, it would actually fit with the film’s insanity. “Oh, and by the way, Martin Amis is in it.”

ES: So, they’re bringing the aliens back?

BJD: This movie’s set up is completely ripping off Alien…and it’s the writer of Alien doing it!

ES: Are all the astronauts obsessed with her or just him?

BJD: Everyone’s obsessed with her because she’s this magnetic presence that takes the life force out of you and harvests it. There’s going to be a lot of relationship jokes on this commentary.

ES: This exposition…I mean this is almost like a play the way they’re just like so frozen when they’re—

BJD: Workshopping the script out loud? I think you can tell when they’re writing the script at the same time as filming. You don’t have pacing at all, and pacing lives in the script. But try to convince a director of that.

ES: That scientist needs to go home and write London Fields.

BJD: Not many movies have this kind of turgid beginning and then a turn into total lunacy about halfway through. Here’s Colonel Caine, SAS.  How many times does he introduce himself?

ES: It’s all he does. It’s like he’s striving to be seen and respected. I do like his raincoat over leather bomber look though.

BJD: This is a stylish, beautiful looking movie. 70mm. British craftspeople—the best film technicians of the ’80s—all working with an unfinished script.

ES: We get another electrifying soul kiss.

BJD: Alright, what ex are you thinking about right now?

ES: Anyone watching this movie will think of an ex. This movie is really about toxic relationships.

BJD: There are interesting ideas in this movie. This is probably the most original vampire movie ever made. There was really nothing like it before or after in terms of the genre. If the story made any sense at all it would be an awesome movie. I hate to say this, but this movie is a good argument for development. “Hey, crazy idea. How about a second draft?”

ES: Wow. Was the astronaut just…

BJD: He was just experiencing Space Girl’s sexual stimulation remotely.

ES: There’s this kind of radical sexuality throughout this entire movie.

BJD: And you don’t usually get that in a in a sci-fi blockbuster. If this film was released today by A24 it would be…a moderate success.

ES: Really, I’m just glad Space Girl keeps exhausting these men and they can’t talk anymore.

BJD: You look like you have a plot question?

ES: How are we at this asylum now?

BJD: She’s now taking over bodies but not draining them of their life force. And they traced her here by the psychic connection between her and the astronaut.

ES: You know, the British government is going along with a lot based only on this one American’s word.

BJD: Wouldn’t be the first time! [Drum roll] Did you just have a moment there with Patrick Stewart saying the word naughty?

ES: I guess this movie is bringing some things out in me. But why are they suddenly injecting Patrick Stewart?

BJD: Because Space Girl’s consciousness jumped to his body.

ES: Why!?

BJD: Space Girls are tricky like that!

ES: Patrick Stewart is the head doctor at this hospital and they let these random people inject him with morphine?

BJD: Have you noticed everyone just says yes to every idea in this movie? They should be a little more wary of this American who claims to be able to see into people’s minds and likes to close talk.

[Patrick Stewart screams with Shakespearian training]

ES: It’s very difficult when a woman has started living inside your mind. Oh, are he and the astronaut going to kiss? They’re going to cut to “the girl” image, right?

BJD: Not this film! It was made by Cannon.

ES: Oh, he kisses Patrick Stewart! That was a bigger kiss than My Own Private Idaho.

BJD: So how do you feel about the astronaut saying to Patrick Stewart, “You bitch,” and then kissing him? I haven’t had the most relationships with men, but it generally starts exactly like that.

[Space Girl suddenly reconstitutes out of blood.]

ES: That’s gruesome. I wasn’t ready for Patrick Stewart to be turned into a PushPop. The pilot didn’t even turn to look.

BJD: He’s busy getting messages from the screenwriter.

ES: Another memo he’s going to hand to the heroes!

BJD: Three! Three memos handed to them by the helicopter pilot in two minutes of run time to move into the final act!

ES: Now we’re in a full-on zombie movie. Sweatiness seems to be a big symptom.

BJD: That’s odd because British people don’t sweat.

ES: I’m wondering if I saw this and never made it to the end of this movie. I’m thinking I might not have.

BJD: I think there’s the lost experience of watching movies on over-the-air television in the ’80s and ’90s. They’re cut for content, for time, and then the commercial breaks and in a way, it makes films even more dream-like and half remembered.

ES: Colonel Caine, SAS, is heading to the Winchester!

BJD Yeah, that’s what pubs look like in the UK. They look like the fake ones in the movies.

ES: To be fair, Mad Max Fury Road had no script either.

BJD: Maybe the secret is when you’re making a movie without a script: don’t do dialogue.

ES: Carson the astronaut just can't get away from Space Girl.

BJD: He’s been gaslit…with orgone.

ES: Oh my god, they’re trauma bonding.

BJD: This movie tried to warn us.

ES: No, this movie is just all about the butts. Really nice butts and explosions.

BJD: I wonder how the vibe at the premiere was when the credits hit?

ES: People thinking of how to make the right face and not knowing exactly what that face was.

BJD: I want to picture Patrick Stewart sitting there at the premiere after politely clapping and saying, “Interesting film.”

ES: People out there, if all your friends are telling you to break up with a Space Girl before London is destroyed by your orgasms, you should listen!