THE COUNSELOR (2013)

Cormac McCarthy drags the dad movie to Hell

There are movies that are merely flops and there are movies that critics seem to wish never existed. I hope I’ve got you interested The Counselor already.  

Michael Fassbender is the eponymous counselor of the title, defending cartel members in Texas and overextending himself to impress his financée, Penélope Cruz. He wants in on a coke deal with a club owning friend, Javier Bardem, who is in Platonic ideal form here, dressed in vintage Versace and hair gelled into Sonic the Hedgehog quils. Fassbender doesn’t heed the warnings from middle man Brad Pitt and, after a rival group steals the shipment, the counselor’s perfect life is plugged into a global circuit board of violence.

More a collection of sketches and two hander plays than a tight thriller, this collaboration between Cormac McCarthy and Ridley Scott did have its defenders upon release. Manohla Dargis famously wrote, “Mr. McCarthy appears to have never read a screenwriting manual in his life. That's a compliment.”

But for the mos…